No wire hangers!

•January 13, 2010 • 6 Comments

It’s time again for another edition of Brooke’s Crazy Family.

Remember that movie about Joan Crawford where she went batshit crazy on her kids while trying to keep up appearances? Yeah, welcome to my childhood.

My step mom was Mommie Dearest. Watching that movie as a child was a chilling experience as it oddly mirrored my own life. No, my step mom wasn’t a movie star and dealing with the press, but she would be super sweet one moment and the next she way yelling, “no wire hangers!!” I actually have had my entire closet dumped out for me to put back in to her liking.

There are several more stories of why I often refer to my step mom as Joan Crawford, but I’m trying to focus on the positive here…

Since I have stopped talking to her, I’ve only had to deal with her bitch face at family events that we were both invited to. Luckily that doesn’t happen too often.

You know, I should really write a book about growing up in that house hold. I think I should at least benefit monetarily if I have to be fucked up emotionally, don’t you think?  GAH, sometimes she really gets under my skin. ARGH.

As my friend Lula says, please love me through it.


Farewell 2009, you sucked

•January 6, 2010 • 3 Comments

Warning: This blog post may be slightly depressing, only a little snarky, and very very true.

I’ve now written this introduction four times and none of it seems adequate, I will just have to leave you with this – I’m freaking glad that 2009 is over.

2009 Recap


  • Lived in Hell (Florida)
  • Lost a bunch of weight due to severe anxiety attacks
  • Left Hell for a lessor version of Hell (moved back in with my parents – that is, after begging them)


  • Started job with former company in Center City Philadelphia
  • Had major blow out fight with the Step Monster; she remains an evil bitch throughout the month.
  • Took Ballet lessons along with other dance styles
  • Read the entire Twilight series twice and used it as an escape from the currently hellish situation
  • Had final blowout with step monster after she said that my ex was lucky to get out of the relationship with me
  • Moved into Noodle’s parents house
  • Discovered new addiction called Twitter


  • Started to gain weight because anxiety attacks have stopped
  • Discovered LTT and started an email friendship with UC
  • Future roomie backed out of future apartment plans, stuck at Noodle’s parents for a while longer
  • Booked trip to Seattle for Twitour2009/PNW trip
  • Attended friend’s bridal shower and bachelorette party – stoked that no panic attack ensued
  • Realized that only boys under the age of 25 are single and flirting
  • Received harassing calls from the Skank (ex friend, currently with ex-fiance)
  • Step Monster discovered that I am officially not talking to her, so she called to bitch me out


  • Began making other friendships through LTT
  • Knee gave out, can’t dance
  • Found an apartment in Center City through Craig’s list with a cool roommate
  • Uber Douche and the Skank both called and harassed me, resulting in me changing  my phone number
  • Uber Douche emailed to tell me that he cheated on me with the Skank while we were still together and that they are now engaged
  • Raged, cried, and raged some more


  • Moved into new apartment and gets along great with roomie
  • Met several friends from LTT in person
  • Felix was not happy with his living situation and so the litter box issues began
  • Continued to gain weight although technically dieting
  • One of my best friend gets married and no freak out (success!)


  • stuff, nothing particular
  • opened big mouth on twitter, but made new friends
  • Pledged to make it to LA next June/July


  • Short vacation with bestie in CT
  • Gained more weight
  • Had a “Eureka!” moment and secures blog name
Loses a bunch of weight due to severe anxiety attacks


  • Got promoted at work, without the title or money – oh wait, that’s not a promotion
  • Had mini freak-out before other bestie’s bridal shower (FUDGE!)
  • Wrote first blog post!


  • Twi-tour 2009/PNW trip and got to meet more friends from LTT
  • Twi-tour successfully distracts me from the date that would have been my wedding but then…
  • Bubby passed away at the age of 90 and I miss her terribly so
  • Decided to stop actively perusing a relationship with step sister because she has become a step monster clone
  • Gained weight on Twi-tour and from depression (what? doesn’t everyone eat their feelings?)


  • Friend from LTT flies all the way in from Chile!
  • Random run in with step mom and co at the Art Museum – VERY AWKWARD TURTLE
  • Bestie from CT gets married and I have another mini freak out
  • Was a reject contestant from SYTYCD for Halloween!


  • Gained more weight
  • Saw New Moon with great friends
  • Felix and his potty issues – damn cat
  • Work sucked the life force out of me


  • Gave up on diet when work vendors delivered delicious gourmet desserts on a near daily basis to office
  • Dreaded holidays with nothing to do
  • Noodle invited me up to NYC for Jewmas!
  • Booked a plane ticket for my next vacation to Los Angeles
  • Took an amazing trip to Dublin where I finally get kissed and like most boys that flirt with me, he’s under 25

So there it is folks. Definitely some bright spots in my year, but overall it hurt. Sometimes I felt so alone and abandoned.  I only hope that I push myself and become more active, find more things that I like, and really start liking the person that I am. 2010, I’m ready for you.

A loopy holiday recap

•January 4, 2010 • 11 Comments

Way back in May, I planned a holiday (that’s how the Brits say vacation) to Dublin for New Years.  Unlike my trip to the PNW that I never recapped, this post would get done…with pictures…while I’m hopped up on cold meds and perhaps a bit loopy. Enjoy….

After receiving  an amazing deal alert from my DC friend, I called up Noodle and my niece (who is 20) about accompanying DC friend and me to Dublin. The rest of this story can be told visually:

Burning fuel with loopty-loops off the US coast so we can land and take another plane.

our flight plan

No thank you, Mr. Air France, we would not like to take the 9pm flight to Dublin and wait in the airport for another 6 hours. Hook a sista up, hotel stay and fly out the next morning. We’ll find something to do…

view from the river cruise trip

Irish Pubs for New Year’s Eve (lots of beer and Bailey’s but not together because they don’t do that there, duh).

Outside of the temple bar

Perhaps some drunk kissing as it snowed, by the river and it was good.

Officially certified to pour the perfect pint of Guinness.

Brought back more than some souvenirs from Dublin (stupid cold).

I had a great time over in Dublin and didn’t mind the detour in Paris at all. Actually, happy to report that although I’ve lost most of my French vocabulary, I still have a decent accent!

Will do a follow-up post soon with my New Year Resolutions, which sort of resembles my list…

Have yourself a merry little Jewmas!

•December 24, 2009 • 10 Comments

It took some begging and pleading, but I was able to convince Noodle (Stagemanagethis) to guest post on my little blog about what we’re doing over the holidays. Some of you may have heard me talk about Jewmas and I thought it was necessary to explain…

Aah, the Christmas season – families decorating their tree, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, leaving cookies out for Santa and some carrots for Rudolph and his reindeer friends. Christmas is about togetherness, it’s about love, and it’s about celebrating the birth of the Baby Jee.

But what about us lonely Jews?

Menorah and Hanukkah Tree

This is NOT Jewmas - this is just wrong.

We get none of that. No tree. And let me stop you now –  don’t even try to pull that Hanukkah Bush bs on me. It’s a lie. There were no trees in the desert. There was one bush, and it burned. Thanks Moses, way to cockblock our holiday fun. Yes, we do have eight nights of presents, but really, once you’re older then say 8 years of age that gets thrown out of the window too. Parents start to pull this  “one present for all of Hanukkah” crap once they realize that you’re on to them. There’s no mad rush at the crack of dawn to some glorious present-wielding foliage. NO. Once present, a night and not until AFTER candle lighting and praying and general Jewishness.

NOT ANYMORE MY FRIENDS. Meet Jewmas: A Nondenominational Jeebus free celebration of a Christmas-like nature.  Yes friends, Brooke and I have invented a holiday that combines the best of both worlds. You can still light the menorah with the best of them in early December, and now, with Jewmas, you can also fully appreciate the beauty of the Xmas tree. Jeebus didn’t have one, and neither do you, but now that won’t prevent you from ogling the shiny.

Jewmas is a truly secular celebration. Make a special meal, have a holiday cocktail. Maybe watch A Christmas Jewmas Story on the TV. Whatever you want, it’s your new holiday to do with as you please, and that’s the true joy of the Jewmas. It’s by Jews, for Jews, and for you (if you’re not Jewish)!

For Jewmas 2009 (the Inaugural Jewmas) Miss B and I will be gathering in the fabulous city of New York (at my home) with my two kitties. There are big plans: the tree at Rockefeller Center, ice skating in Central Park, cookie baking. More cookie baking!  Also, we’ll be baking cookies. There might also be peppermint fudge. Jewmas is really about the food.  And friends. And fun. Just like Christmas, but without the nativity scene.

If that’s a little too much, feel free to take baby steps: watch the Macy’s Christmas Parade, or eat a tree shaped cookie. Or, if all else fails, celebrate old school: Chinese food the movies. ‘Cause that’s what‘s open.

What’s most important is that you embrace the holiday spirit and create for yourselves a little Jewmas miracle.

From the both of us, Happy Christmas and Merry Jewmas! MWAH!

Me want cookie!

•December 22, 2009 • 7 Comments

I had such grand plans of hardcore dieting before my trip to Ireland, so I could be a little thinner and find me an Irishman to snog. Like most of my grand plans, the universe was working against me.

Last week alone, we had a vendor lunch or dinner four out of the five work days. On top of those decadent meals around the city, we had other vendors sending us gourmet chocolates, cookies, cakes, snacks, etc.

Work paid for our lunches today — cheese steaks. I opted for the semi-healthier route by going for the Chicken Cheese steak, but was ultimately fail when these arrived:

Hope's Heath Bar Crunch Cookie

This heavenly goodness went directly to my ass

All my will power went out the window and I ate three.  Hope’s Cookies are the most delicious baked items that ever existed and I will experience diet fail every time I am within 100 feet.

Guess I know what will be included in my New Year’s Resolution, again.

So since the diet restarts in 2010, does this mean I can eat more tomorrow? *fantasizes about mouth-watering cookies*


•December 21, 2009 • 2 Comments

It’s official. I uber suck at blogging.

I was totally fail with updating the blog and working on me.

Saying that I’ve been in a rut would be the understatement of the century and while I could fill this space with hyperbole after hyperbole, I’m going to keep this post brief.

I need to keep writing posts and blog because it helps me process my thoughts and feelings. My posts may not be as long as the previous few, but I should be able to post more often.

Nothing says self-deprecation like a Fail Hat

A quick update into my life:

Roommate and I switched rooms at the beginning of the month so I could have more space and keep Felix the cat in my room when he goes anti-social on the other cats.  I still haven’t put everything away, and um… it’s three weeks later.  Yeah, I know, I’m failing at the Get Organized HAI (Happiness Action Item for those who forgot, cause I almost did)! G-d, sometimes I hate my own perky list.

Until the next time (soon, I hope)…

Taking it back…taking it ALL back

•October 6, 2009 • 17 Comments

I recently realized how my depression has made me stop enjoying things that I used to love. Dating someone for more than four years, it often becomes hard to separate things that were once part of ME and not the collective US.  Things that used to make me happy were too closely associated with our relationship, so I stopped doing them, caring about them, acknowledging them, or letting them be part of my life.  Why should I let my ex take hobbies from me because he was a douche? I loved them before he came along and I plan to well after he is just a distant memory (please G-D, turn him into a distant memory, pretty please?).

I’m taking back all those activities, hobbies, things that I’ve given up over the past year to spare myself some heartache. He’s already taken so much from me emotionally that I REFUSE to give up anything else. I’m taking it back; I’m taking it all back.

Penn State Football

penn state logoThe Ex didn’t go to Penn State. He became a fan because I was a huge fan.  He’d been to a few games with me and we’d both joined a local Penn State Alumni chapter in Florida. Together, we went to watch games, threw Penn State parties and discussed (worshiped) the team. Long before the ex existed in my world, I was a huge Penn State Fan. I went to nearly every game. I went on road trips to see them play. I met Joe Paterno. I painted my face. I cheered on my team. I went to one of the best colleges…he did not do any of these things. So why did I stop watching games, stop turning on sports center in the morning to hear the latest, and stop reading news articles about the team and the school? The simple answer is it hurt. It hurt because he shared my passion for Penn State and honestly I didn’t even realize that I was subconsciously giving it up. I just stopped doing everything that I used to do for my team and school – that is until now. I’m taking back my love for Penn State. I’m taking back my school spirit. I will cheer on my team and hold my head high. I will continue to be a crazy fan for the school that I love…For the Glory.

Phillies Baseball

Phanatic and world seriesThis probably applies to most Philadelphia sports, but it has been especially upsetting regarding the Phillies. I heart the Phillies something fierce. One of my favorite past-times is going to baseball games – I just love the atmosphere. My ex was never a huge baseball fan, but loosely followed the team and went to games. When I moved to Florida, we were able to go to see the Phillies in spring training. For a couple years in a row, we attended several of these games, hunted down bars that had the MLB package to watch key games, and traveled across the state to see the Phillies play against the Marlins. Our relationship ended just as the Phillies made it into the playoffs.  As the team battled it out to make it to the World Series, my ex decided to give up completely on us. I even got tickets to see game 1 of the World Series and it absolutely crushed me that after everything I couldn’t share the joy of the Phillies finally making it. I ended up bringing a friend that didn’t follow baseball at all, just to have someone go. Preseason came around this past spring and I just didn’t care. My team, who just won the World Series, was going through spring training, and I couldn’t care less. He stole my team from me. He stole my love of the game and I’m taking it back.  Plus, how can I stay away from my true love: The Phillie Phanatic.


50s woman cookingCooking isn’t something that comes easily to me and there have been more questionable dishes than successes, but I always enjoyed taking a recipe and trying it out. The ex and I, alone for Thanksgiving one year, made the whole thing ourselves. I loved every second of it, except for not having company and it just being the two of us. When I moved back to Philly, I didn’t really have the opportunity to cook until I moved into town. It has been months and the most I did was heat soup on the stove or cook/heat things in the toaster. I need to eat healthier and I need to get back to cooking, because I truly enjoyed it. Yes, now it is a bit tougher because I am cooking for one, but I am taking it back too. I want to feel the rush of success and happiness when I make a good meal for myself.

This is just the start of me taking things back. I left too much of myself in Florida. I am determined to feel whole again.

And so this leads me to update the list – adding support my teams and cooking to list to happiness.

Feel free to leave me some love, I can use it lately.